A King's Love

He Gave His life for me, the King of the Heavens where one day I'll bow

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Location: Alaska, United States

I've been in Alaska what seems like all my life. Have sorrows and heart breaks like everyone else, but have learned ever so well that God never lets us go through something that He won't use in the future. I'm a crazy, loud and blunt Child of God, and desire more than anything to know that every day, I wake up and bring a smile to my Master's face. there's really, not much more about me than that (that matters, that is)

Friday, August 04, 2006

Whispered Love

What you're about to read I wrote a couple months before my last brain surgery, but it goes without saying that I only got through 25 seizures a day and a grand-mal once every couple months because God was there. You can look at this one of 2 ways, by saying that you dont have epilepsy so it doesnt count, or by seeing that God took a broken situation and made it liveable.

I am with you always even ‘til the end of the age.
I’ve heard that one before, it’s a good benediction for pastor’s; a good comfort for those that feel lost. But forever there’s always going to be someone that rolls their eyes closes the pathway to their soul and whispers, “glad that works for you! This God doesn’t love me, end of story.”
As a young kid I was stuck in the middle, I trusted God, but then, with all my heart I was repulsed by the very name of God. Until the other day.
I was in the hospital room having a grand-mal seizure screaming for my mom, and my brain never registered that she was right there trying to hold me. I assumed and believed with all my heart that the other woman who was a nurse was my mom. So I treated her like I would treat my mom. “Mom I wanna go, Mom make it stop, Mom HOLD ME!!”
At first when I was told of this mom- nurse mix up I thought to myself that God was so cruel to both my mom and I to allow all that, and yet after awhile I saw the mercy in it.
Mom had to share the burden of this disoriented screaming baby girl and I was trusting whoever was calling my name. If I had understood that this woman was not my mother, the seizure would have lasted an extra 5 minutes so that I could slowly figure it out.
I am with you always even until the end of the age.
I’m in the shower and I have a seizure, the first thought is that I’m burning to death because of the shower that I couldn’t turn off. Instead of screaming I was wailing. Instead of thrashing I was rocking back and forth trying to find a place of comfort. God was the only one rocking me. In a “regular” seizure you don’t rock back and forth but someone whispered to me to back up and just rock. I don’t know why but that’s how God saved me from more hysteria than I was already in.
I am with you always even ‘til the very end of the age.
I’m in the car with a very inexperienced sister when it comes to seizures. At the moment though we're singing at the top of our lungs. Then I have a seizure and my sister doesn’t know whether to pull over or keep driving. In the midst of screams I tell her to stay calm and keep driving. Hyperventilating, kicking and screaming I don’t feel her pull over but I feel her hand on my back. Once it’s over she jokes by remarking, “If I truly did have that bad of a voice you didn’t have to have a seizure to make me stop singing.” God gave me laughter in the midst of confusion and being terrified.
I am with you always, even ‘til the end of the age.
Three different times where I never once screamed God’s name but He knew what I needed and He was there. He didn’t sit around until I called His name, He was there even before the seizure started.
There’s something said about three times. “If its said once, remember it. If its said twice memorize it, if its said three times carry it wherever you go.
I am with you always even ‘til the end of the age. Remember that.

5 Comments:

Blogger damaris said...

wow. that is an incredible testimony. our God is faithful,eh?.
thanks for sharing that. your honesty was an encouragment to me--God used it to remind me how good He really is. thanks!

keep writing.
~damaris

((if your wondering who the heck this random stranger is and how they found your blog...well i go to a SGM church in fl. so i found you from the NA blog.))

8:26 AM  
Blogger Helen said...

Hi Cass, Helen again!

I think God meant for me to read your blog, my 7 year old neice is having a really tough time with epilepsy, but the sort where she goes vacant for about 10 seconds,I think they are called peti mal, she has about 20 during a school day and is missing out in her learning, she had MRI scan to rule out anything sinister and eeg scan showed epilepsy, her consultant has referred her to Great Ormand Street Hospital as the seizures are getting more frequent, as a family we are worried for her, my sister worries she won't ever get right and that her friends will tease her,

I am encouraged by you, your Faith is strong and you are a very brave young lady, thanks for the encouragement, please send up a prayer for little Emily,


Thanks Cass,
Luv Helen x.

1:11 PM  
Blogger Helen said...

Thanks Cass for the comment on my blog, on my profile you can email me we would appreciate any advice on how to help Emily deal with her epilepsy, if you get a moment to do so.

Thanks,
Helen x.

2:13 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

Cass, thanks for stopping in over at my blog! I like what you have to say, you are very in touch with life. Feel free to stop back from time to time, and bring friends! I will check in on you as well.

Take care,
Ben

8:44 PM  
Blogger SarahB said...

I found your blog through Helen.

I am incredibly moved by your words and how God is using you for his purpose. What a witness you are for him and how you have blessed others with your openess.

May God continue to bless you.

Will pray for you Cass.

Sarah

4:12 PM  

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