My Soldier and His Prayer

Wrote this a few days ago... though its not a comfortable subject, its Truth can't be forgotten

With a gun on his back the young man stood

His heart silently bleeding, he’d cry if he could

He had to stay strong and keep on with the fight

No matter the fear or terror of the night

For just a split second he thought of a child

Jealous was he of innocence so undefiled

For what was once just a fun childhood game

Was now strapped to his back, never leaving him the same

It was his choice to make an oath years ago

No one said with honor came a measure of woe

He fought for his country, for the Red White and Blue

He’d fight til God called him Home, he knew that was true

Dear God, he silently prayed, are you there?

Do you understand my heart’s torn, do you hear my prayer?

I’m fighting for those I love, don’t you understand?

If you do anything Lord, guide this gun in my hand

I’m tired of seeing those I love fall ‘round me

I’m trying to be the soldier you want me to be

They trained me to be firm, tough and strong

But I wake up dreading the funeral’s vile song

You know I serve you above all the rest

So I humbly beg of you this one small request

Can you show up in my story just a little bit more?

Tell me just how you share in my heart’s broken core

At first the young man heard not a sound

Hopelessly he laid his head on the ground

Maybe he’d misunderstood God’s grace

Maybe he’d been forgotten, as well as his race

“My child, raise your head once again

Realize that love, my love, always gains a win

I never considered leaving you here alone

I Cherish the times you’re honest before my throne

You asked to see how I understood your fight

You asked to know if I understood a hopeless night

My Son, my fight held not a gun, but a cross

And believe me, I understand the heartache of loss

But as you’ve seen your brothers die here

I remember the heartache and unending tears

When you think I stand by silent without a care

Realize I'm silently sharing in the burden you bear

When your family can’t help a sleepless night

I’m standing near, praying, and in that joining the fight

For once, long ago, my prayer was the same heart break

I begged for release and relief from the ache

I love you, my child, you need to know

When you have no where to turn no where to go

Tear down the walls, run into my arms open wide

I am the One and Only, and Your Unseen Guide

Still here... totally blessed

So, I was randomly reminded about this blog a couple days ago, and I'm a tad bit surprised that it's been this long (almost 3 years??) since I've written. In that time God has done what only God does well: taught me that no matter how many times I have to start my own trail, fall down, or make a fool out of my testimony; He is always there to hold me close, dust me off and find the gold among the mud. Oh blessed Hope and Glorious Grace. My Jesus is king of ALL!

Over the years I've somewhat hidden my ability to write, and God has been proving over and over again that it's not my gift of writing at all. Its His gift manafested in me. I only say this because anymore, unless there's something that God totally constructs in my heart and mind, my writing, even the lessons I've written over the years make no sense.
So, with that said, these two poems are some of the more recent things I've written, the entire time my head spinning trying to understand why they have to come from my hand. But, regardless, I pray these 2 speak Truth to your hearts and spur you on to live past the comfortable.

A Moment With Job

With one word my pride was shattered
With one word my confidence was gone
If only the knowledge I had really mattered
If only my words brought the dawn

Lord, I thought I could stand and fight you
But as you came, I heard your footsteps thunder
What the wise have always claimed stands true
One glimpse of you brings speechless wonder

You confidently showed me the gates of Hell
'Can you command them open, or push them shut?
Show me, oh wise one, teach me well!
With one question, I felt the blow to my gut

Who am I to give evil warning?
Who am I to claim I know all?
I challenged the Painter of the morning
How dare I try to make Yahweh small?

As I picked up my sword, did I even see your hand
Skills I have, but in front of you, they disappear
YOUR hand crumbled the strongest lands
With your strength, you shattered satan's spear

Lord, I shut my mouth, I fight back tears
The strength I've seen proves your grace
Forgive me for doubting you through the years
Thank you for putting me in my place!!


Stones

'Mercy for me! Justice for them!' we cry
Quietly the condemned stand to die
We whisper, 'our lives will never be as bad as theirs
They'll be blotted out. Praise God! Who cares?

We giggle with Glee as the stones start to soar
We laugh as we see the blood and the gore
Our lives will never be as bad as theirs
They'll be blotted out. Praise God! Who cares?

Let you think we believe we're all right
Remember, they sinned during the day, we at night
So therefore, their sin was playing the fool
Slyness and tact are a sinner's perfect tool

Atleast we only threw one or two stones
The heart still beats, we left broken bones
tough love is our motto, please, don't you see
As long as you keep judgement away from me

When God calls us out, He leaves nothing behind
No one can say, 'He cannot hear, and yes, He is blind'
What stones you throw will always be thrown back
On Judgement Day, Christ shows the perfection you lack

A Pursuing God

Revelation 3:20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

I don't know where to start. This verse makes my heart soar. A lot of times, I hate writing about one verse all by itself because there's so much we can get from the context. But this one just about knocked me over the first time I actully took time to read it. The Lord is writing to the Church in Laodicea, pouring his heart out to them. This church said they loved God but really, didnt care a hoot what they were doing.
Earlier in verse 16 God cries out that "since you are luke warm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth." In other words, the actions that he was seeing were "making him sick" (real good theology term for ya!) The Christians in this Church probably understood a little too well how much that statement was true, and they didn't care. It was just a little too hard, and a little too convicting to change, but hey, they said the prayer, they believe in Christ, that's good enough right? (I'm stepping on my own toes here...)
So, after I've completely depressed all of you, let me shine some light on that subject. God still pursues us. It doesn't matter that we don't pursue him with a passion, he still pursues us with an incomprehensible and unmeasurable passion.
Think about it. The Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End... the "Amen" of life... let me get real lame here and just point out something that I think a part of each one of us asks. How - no, WHY- would a Being with that much "say- so" that much power, care about me? Cummon, I'm a kid that works in a town of 7,000 people, hasn't acchieved much as far as society's concerned, and yet the God of the Universe is standing at my door? Put in your own story, but I think the same is true for all of us. If WE were God, there's no way on earth we'd stand "knocking" at someone's door, and not stopping until they answer. Yet the fact that that isn't explainable is what makes it so precious. Love stepped down and came to live among us, even though Love (Christ) knew that He would be doing most of the drty work in this relationship.

I once heard the "Christian" journey described using initiatives. This speaker kept on saying "Christ loves you, but you have to take the first step." I understand -oh so well- where this man was coming from. (Christ will not make you love him) But at the same time, I don't agree. Christ "beat us" to the initiative. Go to Golgotha... the pursuing became evdent there. And the fact that he is willing to stand at our "door" (our heart) and knock until we answer tells me a few things.
1. He doesn't give up easily
2. His love outstands my stubbornness
3. He pursues no matter our history.

Most of you have been in church most of your lives. Do me a favor will you? Don't take this verse like water off a duck's back. This has HOPE written over it... just because you've heard His Story more times than you can count does not mean you cant step back and revisit the awe that ruled your life the first time you somehow heard the "Amen" of Life simply say "I'll do anything to be with you."
Pretty powerful stuff... I'l talk to you later
Cass

Scale the Heights, find the Master

Hey Guys,'

Whoever is still out there.... HI! Sorry I've sort of resorted to keeping all this going through email, so I have, in some ways, kind of forgotten about this space. I could give you a great excuse, but that's all it'd be, an excuse. Most of my days the past several months have been insane with school work and having a very filled - yet routine- life. Any of you that have actually seen my life know I hate it when my life turns into a routine. At the same time, when you're living on a college campus with about 40 students and its impossible for you to leave, there's very rarely a "routine" day. But even that can turn into a routine.
This past year at Alaska Christian College (ACC) smacked me around... a lot. Theology always throws me for a spin, because I don't really have the gift of faith. I would only have that gift if faith meant "analyze and explain everything until it all makes sense and there's no need for an imagination... because you always get the answer." You guys have seen and heard me argue (or, if you wanna get professional I believe the correct term in theology is "discuss") almost everythng humanly possible to explain questions. I think the craziest thing I learned this year is thats not always necessary. I went to college to get the Book knowledge in theology, and walked away learning alot, like.. God can argue his own case... and I'll never understand anything in theology until I accept who I am in Christ. How's that for a year in a discipleship program?

On the "normal" side of my life (no comments from the peanut gallery) nothing is new as of 3 weeks ago. I graduated from ACC (1 year program) and 4 days before that graduation, got my GED. Talk about backwards, but at times I wonder if I do anything the logical way. Now, I'm doing what every one seems to do around this time of the year... hunting like crazy for a job, and praying that I won't have to stay in the same spot of this gorgeous land forever. I absolutely love Alaska, but I'm getting a little antsy to get somewhere where no one knows me. Yeah, like I said, typical attitude of an 18 year old that hasnt shut-up or sat still since she was born.


Habakkuk 3:19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.

Ever hiked a steep mountain? It isn’t easy, there are so many times that you lose your footing. Falling is a little frightening as it is, but when you are 20,000 feet or more up in the air… just the thought of falling is enough to make you wonder why you even signed up for this adventure.
But when you make it, when the mountain is summitted, you understand that being crazy has its advantages. The eagles that fly over have the majestic flair that you’ve always heard about. The mountain doesn’t look like your worst enemy; but you really do see it as the amazing creation that God has made. This, my friend, is why you came, to be crazy, but to find that even as you gritted your teeth in pain, the end would be glorious. Let me tell you though that you won’t understand any of this until you’ve done it. You won’t understand the sense of astonishing peace that comes with knowing you made it. You’re safe and now you can enjoy the beauty. My favorite part though, is there is no way you can look at the mountain, the rivers, the whole creation that was set before you, and not see God.
So God is promising to make us surefooted as a deer. Sounds weird when we first hear about it, but think of the mountains we have to climb on a daily basis. Although if we slip and fall on these mountains it won’t actually kill us, but it can still do it’s damage.
To be surefooted, to take on the heights of our problems is a promise, but we have to take the last step. God is giving us the ability and the promise that He is our strength, but we have to climb. Climbing means knowing what we’re doing. Knowing the other promises that God has given us, and fully relying on those.
Rely on the promise of “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
“I love you with an everlasting love.”
“I am faithful and just to forgive your sins and cleanse you from all wrong.”
These are only a few of the millions of promises that God has given.

Nobody likes to fall, especially spiritually. Yet we have a promise that God will bring us up the heights of life and make us victorious. This promise is yours. Use it as much as you need to, but the biggest thing we all need to do, is know who gave us these promises. These promises mean nothing if we don’t know the promise-giver. Take courage in the fact that you are being made as surefooted as a deer. You can conquer any height because the Father knows what you need.

See ya guys later, I'm still praying

Cass

Rabbi's Dust

Hi Friends,


I seem to be starting every entry with the lame line of "I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth. But I don't think anyone will believe me if I say that. Things here have been bizaar, and except to send out a few short sentence emails every day, I'm rarely on the computer. Huge difference between the kid a couple years ago and the student now. It used to be that my ministry through the net was all I was about, now.... you never see me on the computer!


School is a blast, pretty stressful right now wrapping things up for the semester, but we're all looking so forward to the break that we barely care anymore!!

This poem has been on my mind and heart for months now and I just got it down on paper a few weeks ago. The saying "May you walk in the dust of your Rabbi" was a blessing said among ancient Jews. What they meant by that is they were saying "may you walk SO closely to what you were taught as true, that you are COVERED in it!" The thing is, we have the Rabbi above all Rabbi's. And He is the only one that is Truth. So I have changed that saying to say "May you walk in the dust of THE Rabbi." May people know that you are a follower of Jesus, the Rabbi, and Jesus the Savior... and may they have no doubt of that fact. I am praying that for you.

May you walk in the dust of the Rabbi May the things he says be the supply
Of every breathe you take
Of every minute you’re awake

May the dust of the Rabbi guide your heart
May His teachings truly be a part
Of your life, your journey, and your song
May you understand the difference between right and wrong

May the dust of the Rabbi be all you’re about
May the Truth He shares keep you on the Route
The route to his kingdom, the route to his arms
May this Dust keep you from all satan’s harms

May the very essence of his presence be all you need
May His example guide you in your deed
May you give God the praise
When life gets hard and you don’t understand His ways

Give him the praise because He has given you his dust
To show you what you could do, or what you must
Give him the praise for giving you this gift
For giving you something to follow while walking this rift

Hallelujah Lord for you Grace
Hallelujah Abba for being in this place
If there’s anything I could do I must…
Praise you Lord for your Dust!
***********************************************************************************


See ya Later!!
Cass

Is Scripture powerful in your life?

Hey Guys,

If you're wondering if I'm still alive... I promise you I am, things have just been kind of crazy around this little ol' town of Alaska. Or rather it's grasping the realization that I no longer have any freedom starting Thursday. (If you really wanna get in an arguement, no one has freedom until they get to heaven... so what am I Complaining about?) Colleges start up pretty soon around here, but Alaska Christian College starts on the 24th. Try as I might to just shrug it off because I'm only going 30 minutesaway to live in a dorm and study theology (by now I'm hearing chuckles I'm sure!) after 4 years of staying at home because of the epilepsy and brain surgeries, I'm kind of apprehensive about getting THAT kind of structure back in my life again. Those of you that don't know, my "schooling" in the Bible has all been personal and basic, and this will be more of a test to see whether I can let God rule 100% of my life rather than whether I can keep up with my studies.
My parents are, as always, a gift from God. They know how weird this is for me, and to be honest, I know how hard this is for them. I've had to stay hanging on my mother's apron strings longer than most kids, teens, and sadly, adults. They've been setting me up with everything necessary for this school, the most important part of the prep prayer and love. Although last night when we celebrated my birthday you would have thought that I thought the most important thing was the computer they bought. Shows you how quickly we forget the reality of life... and to lighten things up here... shows you how many dang papers I'll be writing at this college! (no more than a regular college I'm sure!)

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

I have had the priviledge to correspond with someonethese past- what- few weeks? And many things we agree on but the way we say it is different so we argue - or the polite theological way to say it is "discuss" (not making fun here, I'm serious) to no end. You've all been there. Whether with someone of the same faith or with someone of a different faith... or at least I hope you have. Why? Because it makes you strive for a better understanding of your faith in Christ.

I have to admit something to you here (My Friend, if you read this, read it to the end) I have no idea if he is a Christian. As we used to say as 7th graders he could be a "poser". But in the same position, he doesn't know me either. He knows I talk smooth, and that I can talk like a Christian... But! What in the world does that mean?


He brought something up to me that shocked the socks off of me. (did I really just say that? I'm starting to sound like my mother! Must be that I'm getting older) In the positions that He had, although in many of them I did not agree, he used scripture. And although He might have meant for them to mean something else, they were still used in my life. And what did I do when I was explainging my position? I did exactly what I shouldn't have done, I went to fast. I ddn't use scripture. I used my theological and my biblical training and just made it sound "normal" if that can even be done.

Guys, gals, whoever you are. Young ol, in between... tell whoever you're talking to whenever that comes up that you gotta wait a second. When you're discussing you're position, whether you both agree or not, USE SCRIPTURE. There's nothing more powerful in a person's life than for them to walk away knowing you didn't use just your own position in life.

Next time you're confronted, try something. Only use scripture. Don't even try and explain the scripture... only use scripture. I know that sounds dumb and razy, but don't you think our God is big enough to work?

okay, I'm done standing on my soap box...

talk atcha later~Cass

The Provision of a King

Hey Everyone,

Okay. Yes. I am still alive. No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. Am I still willing to keep this blog going? I have NO idea. Let's just say taking a break this summer has been great. Now it's off to college. Whether God wants me to keep this going is up to Him. i.e Whether he gives me the time and the input of what to put on this is up to Him.
This summer has been great. I've been in Indiana working in my old hometown at my home church as an intern (we jokingly call that a slave) working in the office. It's been a stretch in more ways than one, but going into that here would be wrong. God's definitely shown me where my faith needs to grow and has helped me mature in ways I never thought possible. What an awesome God we serve.

I know I usually give you guys a passage of scripture here and then go on, and on, and sometimes go even further... but right now, I don't feel like I can do that. Something God has been teaching me this summer is the difference between teaching only by your input alone (leaving God out of it) and then letting God use your life and Him speaking through you. Something that I've had a hard time grasping because I've had very little example of that growing up except in my family.

But something happened this summer that blew me away at the greatness of our God. And then again, to my shame, it shouldn't have. Let me tell you a story of my incompetance to understand who my God really is. And maybe through that you'll understand Him better.

I left my Home in "igloo land" (if you don't know what or where that is by now... Lord help you) with about $60 in my pocket. I knew that there was no way I was going to survive 2 months with $60 alone, but I also knew that my family wasn't completely mean. My job in Indy wasn't paid (i.e the term "internship") so I just closed my eyes and said a desperate prayer. When I got to my family in the states... my Uncle came through. His response to giving me his money was priceless.

"I know what it's like to stay with a friend and not have money but wanting to pay your own way. Here... take some money." Not wanting to act like a stupid little immature kid, I hugged 'im and thanked him for the money, but inside I was jumping for joy. I had money. I was going to be okay. God was providing. Even though I knew that promise was never going to fail, my faith was soon going to be tested.

When I left my family to start my internship down in southern Indiana after 2 weeks of spending time with them, the unthinkingable happened. Or atleast to me it was unthinkable. In the small town of Alaska, everyone knows everyone. No one locks their car doors, no one worries if their purse is left somewhere. Well, I left my purse in my car... and I was smart enough to atleast hide it under the seat. But when I came back to it, I had $11 instead of $120. A thief with a conscience! Praise God.

A day later, I had to use all but one dollar of that money. And I survived on that $1 for quite sometime. I finally took my money, what I had left of it, which by the time I woke up to the truth and remembered God I only had a few dimes, and knelt by my bed.

"God a few weeks ago I already gave you your 10% of this money... you promised you'd provide. Whether you multiply this money right in front of me now or later on, I'm trusting you. But please just do it. You're teaching me to lean on you, and I just pray you'll teach me to heed every word."

I have to admit, I expected the money to come in 10 minutes later or even a day later. But it didn't. God waited. And waited. And I'm so glad He did. A while later, one of my friends came into the church while I was working and he handed me an envelope just saying "I heard what happened, don't say anything Cass, just take it. I love you."

My mother sent my $40 the next day as well.

Why am I telling you this story? To encourage you. To plead with you not to give up. His time is perfect. He proclaimed that not even a sparrow falls to the ground without Him noticing, what more of a treasure are you? He will provide. Whether it's money, a car, or a broken family that needs to be healed, he is right there. And if He comes to your rescue any sooner, it wouldn't be as perfect as it could be. Believe me, I know.

See ya Around

Cass