A King's Love

He Gave His life for me, the King of the Heavens where one day I'll bow

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Location: Alaska, United States

I've been in Alaska what seems like all my life. Have sorrows and heart breaks like everyone else, but have learned ever so well that God never lets us go through something that He won't use in the future. I'm a crazy, loud and blunt Child of God, and desire more than anything to know that every day, I wake up and bring a smile to my Master's face. there's really, not much more about me than that (that matters, that is)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

WHAT is this?

Well, the last day to fish was yesterday and it was pretty good. We were there at high tide and that was pretty interesting because you were catching your fish and then you had to drag it pretty far before you were on the beach again. I know this is going to sound weird, but the fact that fishing is over almost makes it seem like winter's here. The fireweed is almost done growing, and as soon as thats done, we have 6 weeks before the first snow... ouch! haha I love it here, but its the whole shock of loving the sun, and not to sure if I'm ready to not have much of it for 8 months out of the year. Although when the sun shines, it SHINES... Alaska is worth the time!

Deuteronomy 8:1-4
Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years

Yes, I know you're not an Israelite... and Yes, I know you dont usually wonder a desert 40 years. But! How many of us have had a heck of a life and just wanted to look up to God and say "so LORD! When exactly ARE you going to ah, be.. God?!" I'm thinking we've all thought that. We've all wondered when He's going to Buck up to the big title of Jehovah Jirah. (thats on our terms... so in other words, they're not very good terms) I know I have. But God's not nodding his head and telling us to go ahead and think that way. DANG IT!

The only thing He's saying is "remember" Not, "Complain" or "act like you know how to be God" But "Remember."
Remember the fact that He IS God, and Jehovah Jirah means "Provider God" Remember that when the tidal waves fall, he can calm them for you... but he might chose to ask you to ride them out and experience the beauty after the storm. When all you can do is Scream Abba He's asking you to remember that He's the Father and youre the child.

Life sucks. for 15 years I've had epilepsy, and for 6 months after the third brain surgery, I'm still having seizures. Where is God in that? Wheres the provider in that? I'm still alive, when I should be dead. I'm smiling, and I'm still holding on. God is a great God. Take your own story and see God. Remember Him... Remember God. Dont remember an idol that cant make anything happen, and cant give you eternal life... but remember God

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Right or wrong, I dont know

Well, Sorry its been so long. I had to leave because my parents were gone on their 25th Anniversary. They went on a cruise out in Seward (SOO'-ard) so I had to be "tortured" (haha) by riding horses and taking care of hem for a couple days. oh yeah, talk about torture. It was a blast. My poor Dad about had a heart attack though because I'm still healing from my in surgery, and horses are considered "dangerous" I guess, and I can get a horse to run.. and I did. and I also made the mistake of TELLING my Dad about this. But man it was fun. Riding Horses, not making my Dad worry.

Isaiah 55:9-11 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Have you ever seen a little kid trying to be the parent? Oh man I have! Or rather, I should say, I've tried to be the parent! I've learned my lesson because my brother and sister hated it, a little 4 year old trying to tell a 9 and 10 year old to clean their room and that their doing it wrong. And then comes the REAL parent to set me straight. Oh! You mean I was doing it wrong?! Wow! Didnt know that was possible. Its even worse when we try and be God. Can you just picture God up in Heaven shaking his head saying "my ways ARENT your ways.... get the picture?!" It'd be a lot easier for us if we'd just sit down nod our heads and go, "okay yup uh-huh!" But even God decided that that would be too boring!

But with us, I even told a teenager the other day "yeah well, why listen to your parents?" Because I knew that was her thought process. We "in one ear and out the other." OUCH! But with God, " His word that goes from his mouth will not return empty." What when an invisible God can say that... what are we supposed to do? What a miracle that even when on Sundays that you look around you and you see nothing (or better yet... you look at yourself, I look at myself!) and see nothing happening, when God's Word is spoken, it does its work. Wouldn't parents of teenagers love that "dont do drugs, dont have sex! LISTEN TO ME!!" "yeah whatever ma!"

Not with this God, not with this Lord. We try and do it, and it comes out wrong. If you havent noticed I'm really good at preaching, and I can tell myself to just "shuttttttttt-uppppppppppp Because no one else is listening!" His way is so much different. He never wants anything horrible to happen to you (Jeremiah 29:11) but He can still use it. He doesnt want you to get a broken leg, but he can use the fact that you're laid up for 6 weeks so that you can read the bible and really have to talk to Him. Its a different way of working... like He said, in our eyes, He's not doing it right, but really, He is. His word will not return empty, if you try and challenge him my friend, it'll be even more powerful in your life.
Talk to you later

Friday, August 04, 2006

Whispered Love

What you're about to read I wrote a couple months before my last brain surgery, but it goes without saying that I only got through 25 seizures a day and a grand-mal once every couple months because God was there. You can look at this one of 2 ways, by saying that you dont have epilepsy so it doesnt count, or by seeing that God took a broken situation and made it liveable.

I am with you always even ‘til the end of the age.
I’ve heard that one before, it’s a good benediction for pastor’s; a good comfort for those that feel lost. But forever there’s always going to be someone that rolls their eyes closes the pathway to their soul and whispers, “glad that works for you! This God doesn’t love me, end of story.”
As a young kid I was stuck in the middle, I trusted God, but then, with all my heart I was repulsed by the very name of God. Until the other day.
I was in the hospital room having a grand-mal seizure screaming for my mom, and my brain never registered that she was right there trying to hold me. I assumed and believed with all my heart that the other woman who was a nurse was my mom. So I treated her like I would treat my mom. “Mom I wanna go, Mom make it stop, Mom HOLD ME!!”
At first when I was told of this mom- nurse mix up I thought to myself that God was so cruel to both my mom and I to allow all that, and yet after awhile I saw the mercy in it.
Mom had to share the burden of this disoriented screaming baby girl and I was trusting whoever was calling my name. If I had understood that this woman was not my mother, the seizure would have lasted an extra 5 minutes so that I could slowly figure it out.
I am with you always even until the end of the age.
I’m in the shower and I have a seizure, the first thought is that I’m burning to death because of the shower that I couldn’t turn off. Instead of screaming I was wailing. Instead of thrashing I was rocking back and forth trying to find a place of comfort. God was the only one rocking me. In a “regular” seizure you don’t rock back and forth but someone whispered to me to back up and just rock. I don’t know why but that’s how God saved me from more hysteria than I was already in.
I am with you always even ‘til the very end of the age.
I’m in the car with a very inexperienced sister when it comes to seizures. At the moment though we're singing at the top of our lungs. Then I have a seizure and my sister doesn’t know whether to pull over or keep driving. In the midst of screams I tell her to stay calm and keep driving. Hyperventilating, kicking and screaming I don’t feel her pull over but I feel her hand on my back. Once it’s over she jokes by remarking, “If I truly did have that bad of a voice you didn’t have to have a seizure to make me stop singing.” God gave me laughter in the midst of confusion and being terrified.
I am with you always, even ‘til the end of the age.
Three different times where I never once screamed God’s name but He knew what I needed and He was there. He didn’t sit around until I called His name, He was there even before the seizure started.
There’s something said about three times. “If its said once, remember it. If its said twice memorize it, if its said three times carry it wherever you go.
I am with you always even ‘til the end of the age. Remember that.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

A losing Battle?

Not much is happening around here, just working on homework and waiting on a therapy appointment! OH! YEAH! I forgot to tell you (Although from the statistics not many people read this thing) I just got out of brain surgery... I'm working on half my brain, I just shut down my left hemisphere, I had epilepsy. mmmmhm... yeah really crazy, really weird. Told you I was strange.

Philippians 3:7-11 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Loss... for the sake of Christ. Meaning nothing matters if I dont have Christ. But... But? What about my sex life? What about my money? What about my home? what about my family? It doesnt matter. Paul (The author) takes it a step further and says that its even better to know Christ than all that. That just seems wrong!! How Could he say such things if he didnt understand the truth? or rather, if he didnt understand the Truth. (another name for Christ; John 14:6 )

Christ was and is so important that nothing
ELSE really matters. God is a jealous God, we "lost all things." To the world that seems like a boring life. I'm here to tell you to think again! In reality, we've gained all things, we've gained the love of Christ, when we accept the gift of eternal life, we gain heaven!The righteousness that comes from God is by faith. I've always grown up in a Christian home, so I've always seen that faith. But I'm also seen the law. Clean your hands ten times a day and you're sins will be clean for that day. There are so, so many LAWS to follow that there are laws to follow the laws! Your faith of Christ is the only thing that will get you to heaven, and the only thing that will get you away from the law. I almost said it was easier... and in a sense, it is. God forgives you unconditionally, but its more of a rollercoaster.

Why, oh, why would anyone want to know Christ's sufferings? The Filipino people, in the Holy Week have men that get flogged with the cat of nine tails and then nailed to the cross... just so they can do that. I PRAISE God that He doesnt want me to do that, that my salvation was and is a free gift. There are many things about Christ that are like a mirror, in Genesis it says that God made us in His image. The suffering of Christ isnt to make us miserable, its to make us see that we need Him. Talk atcha later~

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

What was hope?

Hey There!
Sooo, I do have a normal side really. I just got back from fishing in the river, in Alaska its not the sitting in the boat waiting for a bite and reeling it up (although we do do that) it's alot more involved. We go out in waders with a net, standing in the river (freezing out butts off but its a blast!) and wait for the fish to come to us. Heh, yeah I did that all day. That was my "normal" day in Alaska. Getting my fish for the winter, although, in all honesty we didnt need the fish because we had enough from last year. Why am I telling you all this? Because in the weeks to come you might read stuff to make you think I'm crazy and that I have no life outside of reading... but I do. I really do.

Jeremiah 29:11-14a 11For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. 14I will be found by you," says the LORD.
Have you ever heard a little kid telling their parents something about themselves, like where they came from, and all you hear from the parent is, "I know, uhhh-huh, I know, I know." The kids in awe that his mom or dad would know ALL THIS stuff. He just found out!
Its on such a small scale because I cant even understand it, but thats how we treat God. We're just learning about life, and we read Jeremiah 29:11 "For I KNOW!" How in the world does He know?! I want to write automatically (in all honesty, I did, and I just erased it) that we have to forget the fact that He's God and delve deeper. But no, we dont. WE have to remember the fact that He's God and keep our feet on the ground.
Who are we, to tell God that He's not doing a good enough job with a disaster? LOOK AT JOB! This man in the bible was one of the most prestigious men in the country and then within a small amount of time, he loses his home, his family, his cattle, money. Okay thats disaster. But when we use that example we forget the last part, that when that was over and done with... all of that came back 100 fold. I'm sure it looked like disaster to Job, it sure would to me, holy smokes, But when you are a person that belongs to God, there's never a disaster that you cant face without a joyous outcome.
When He was talking about "I'll listen" He was talking about the rituals of only going to the priests... but today, we dont have to do that. The hope we have is real, and we can go to God whenever we want. Considering the fact that this is the Being that created everything visibled and invisible and we have "contact" with him...thats prety amazing.And lastly just looking for him in earnest.
I've "known" this God for 13 years, but many times had backstep to try and find him again. Look for him and you'll find him, he never hides from us, but we hide from him. What amazing Grace that He loves us so much.Cass